Eventually my condition affected me profoundly and i began to feel terrible , being disturbed and angry that i was wasting the god - given gift of initiation after living many empty lifetimes . i was unwilling to read master s magazines and watch her videos 我已虚度过无数次人生,现在又不珍惜上帝恩赐的印心,因此我感到害怕心乱如麻脾气暴躁,最后竟然变得不想看师父的新闻杂志,也不太喜欢看师父的录影带。